A Saturday Relaxing

I just paid off my truck yesterday and decided that today I wanted to kick back and think about the last 7 years of my life. Yes... 7 years to pay off a vehicle that was on a 6 year note. 12 extensions to the loans. Numerous letters explaining that if I didn't get them money soon, they would re-posses my vehicle, but there is it. My truck is a little beat up, but I treat it like a truck. I think back about what those seven years entailed, Failed marriage, failed friendships, failed life it would seem, but yesterday there is a Light. As I begin to drag myself out of the hole that was created when two children decided they wanted to be grownups. I'm beginning to see the end, and the promise of a new beginning. I think now, to the woman I love very deeply. My little apartment that is sparsely decorated, but everything within is mine. I look at the "final amount due" on the Bills that piled up from before and the totals are going down, little bits at a time. While I'm never sure my credit score will ever recover fully, they lie about not going back beyond seven years. I do know that life is beginning to look up. I do know that I will always fight the depression that was brought to fruition by trying to take life on my shoulders when I was not ready. I know that when the time comes to buy that next vehicle or home, the lender will look at me funny and there will be that tense time of... will they say yes or no... why haven't they called yet... etc. It is easy to sit back and look, saying I should have..would have..could have. Everything that has happened made me the man I am today. Good, Bad, and Ugly. Can I go back and change any moment of my past, No. Would I if I could... I don't know. I would have to wonder then, if I changed even something as small as when I ate lunch on a day. What would my life be like today? Would I be rich, broke, in a hospital, dead, or would I just be the same me as I am now? In retrospect, everything that has happened to me, has happened for some reason. For those reasons. I am here now typing words in a blog about nothing really. My thoughts and ideas about my life and perceptions. Do I have regrets in my life? Yes, but I would be hard pressed to find anyone who has none. So, from here I will continue relaxing this Saturday as a celebration. I'm celebrating the fact, that something I didn't want in the first place, is now Mine.